Ballad for Scooter Libby
Said Rove to Libby and Cheney-um,
Saddam must have bought some uranium.
Send Joe Wilson to try
To find where and why.
We'll have us a swell casus belli.
Said Libby to Rove to Dick Cheney,
This Wilson, he really does pain me.
The reports from this man
Don't fit in with our plan.
They're not what the White House demands.
Said Rove to Libby to Cheney-ous,
Reality and truth are extraneous.
No problem, relax,
Manufacture some facts,
And shout "terror." That always distracts.
Said Cheney to Libby to Rove-r,
Wilson's wife, she works under cover.
If Joe won't play our game
We'll leak Val Plame's name.
The reporters will know whom to blame.
Said Cheney: You know our agenda.
There's no one out there to defend her.
If we hurt the CIA
That's a small price to pay
As long as King George gets his way.
Get to Miller and Cooper and Russert.
Be coy but be sure to discuss it.
They'll do the job for us,
They'll join in the chorus.
That's good, 'cause our case is not flawless.
Armitage could help spread the word
By telling some things that he heard.
He might talk to Bob Novak.
That would help get us back
At Joe for his op-ed attack.
What? You say that our plans are imperiled
By Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald?
He'll look into the leak,
But his case will be weak.
The reporters will not want to speak.
But Fitzgerald continued his probing,
Found proof of official misquoting.
I'm sure Libby's lyin'
I think that he's tryin'
To protect someone way up the line.
Said Cheney and Karl Rove to Libby,
Scooter, just be a bit fibby.
It's just common sense,
You forgot some events.
Use the "who me?" amnesia defense.
So tell 'em: I can't recollect.
After all, what do you expect?
My day job's real tough.
I have more than enough
To be bothered with trivial stuff.
Tell 'em: I just can't recall
The nitty and gritty and all,
The when's and the who's,
And everyone's views.
I forget, you'll just have to excuse.
Perjury's Fitz's contention.
Memory lapse is Libby's invention.
Fitz says Scooter's lying
With repeated denying.
He's obstructing the case Fitz is trying.
But Russert and Miller and Cooper
All said that you're telling a blooper.
Cheney's note makes it clear
That the story is queer.
There's obstruction and perjury here.
Just forgetful? The jury said no.
That's not what the facts clearly show.
Though not yet admitted,
Perjury was committed.
No way can this man be acquitted.
The jury says you are a felon
Because of the lies you've been tellin'.
Your tale's out of sync
You belong in the clink
In spite of your close White House link.
So Scooter, you're taking the fall.
Were you really running it all?
The chief orchestrator?
And main obfuscator?
Were you the whole scheme perpetrator?
I suspect that this story's not over.
What happens to Cheney and Rove-r?
They must bear some blame
For outing Val Plame
And besmirching Joe Wilson's good name.
Fitz says there's a cloud over Cheney.
(Was the whole plan really so brainy?)
From the whispers we hear
It's really quite clear
There must be a chief puppeteer.
Shame on you Karl and on Dickie.
Your scheming is overly tricky.
Your leaks are erroneous,
Your actions, felonious,
Your cover-up, full of baloney-ous.
Thanks to Mort Reichek for permission to reprint.